Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Is Life Confusing; or Are We?

When I got off the plane at the airport my husband grabbed me and tried to french kiss me. He hadn't done that in so many years that I felt repulsed. To little to late? or because I had just spent a week trying to decide if I should do something that would create one of the most drastic detours my life would take? I had so much confusion inside me that I felt all my thoughts were made of sand!

I had never confided to anyone what went on inside my marriage. I had let everyone think we were the perfect couple. I needed advice. I went to talk the minister of our church. His counsel - I can help heal this marriage. Come for counseling. God didn't intend for you to live this way.

I went to talk to my doctor. His counsel - You're depressed and nervous. You're going to make yourself really sick. Separate for a while. Let him see what life without his wife and son would be like. Go to the counseling. He loves his son. He'll find a way to work through this

I went to talk with my parents. My parents had a rip roaring sex life. It was no secret in our family that my mother and father saw one another as the ultimate sexual partner. Their counsel - My mother cried and told me she would support me whatever decision I made. My father put his arm around me and shared his quiet strength. They both loved my husband as if he was their son.

I went to talk to my husband. He said that he couldn't go to counseling. When I asked, "Why?" the only answer I got was tears that ran down his cheeks and fell off of his chin.

And that was the end of an 11 year marriage. Very, very sad.

I was about to embark on a journey that was so foreign to me that I went a little mad for two years.

My husband? Let me tell you a very confusing story. After we had separated he would drop by every few days to spend the evening with our son. He usually went to see my parents and siblings too. No one wanted to cut ties with him. He had been a huge part of the family.

I have a brother that is 11 years younger than me. He came out of the womb hell bent for trouble. He's still working at calming that desire down. He was in his teens when my husband and I separated. He had an after school job at a pizza parlor. My husband would often go there for dinner and visit with my brother while he was eating. One evening my brother and my husband came to visit me and told me what they said was a 'weird' story. A woman had come into the pizza parlor with a group of her co-workers. She was "an older woman" and she had had to much to drink. She apparently had developed a particular attraction to my much younger brother. She had teased and touched him most of the evening, culminating it with a passionate, bend over the table kiss. She asked my brother if he had ever had sex and invited him to come visit her. Before she left she gave my brother her phone number.

All the while my brother and my husband were telling me this story they acted like they were gagging. They whooped and hollered and mimicked her actions. They were having a great rolling laugh recounting her antics for me. My husband acted shocked beyond disbelief. "Your brother is just a kid and she was an old woman!" he kept saying. He told me he was disgusted with what she had done. He told me how she had made a fool of herself and how the two of them were shocked that she had thrown herself at such a young boy. They teased each other back and forth about her phone number. "Here you call her!" "No, you call her!" Back and forth, back and forth. They thought they were hilarious. They were having so much fun that I started laughing too. Good story and a good time. The two of them left, still giggling.

About two weeks after my divorce became final my brother came rushing to tell me some news. My now ex-husband had just gotten married. He had married the 'older' woman that had tried to entice my younger brother. And he didn't come to visit his son again until his son got married 23 years later.

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