“There’s a new thing on AOL called Journals. I think you should start one. You’ve had an interesting life.” John quietly badgered me with those words. I have written all my life, but it was ‘for my eyes-only’. It was a way to take the words that tumble around my mind and quiet them. I finally did as he urged, if for no other reason then to squelch the amplitude of his nagging. John is Irish he can nag better then any woman I have ever known.
That was a year ago this past Sunday. In the beginning it was all about the words and feelings. It still is, but along the way I have inserted a picture or two. My journal isn’t beautiful like many I love to read, but the words are a true picture of my sense of myself.
There are four women that made me feel instantly welcome. They read this fledging journaler and made her feel as if she belonged in their community. I want to tell them how much their loyalty and support have meant to me. These are lovely women, unique in their writing and lives. Thank you:
Margo of MagogoS's Musings: A Changing Life
Celeste of My day and thoughts
Judith of Judith HeartSong
Jeannette of Jeannette's Jottings
Yesterday a young man that has had a history of family problems, anger, drug experimentation, and searching dropped by to say hello to my grandson. He has been in a recovery program. He had been given a six-hour leave because his grandfather is dying. He looked so good! He came and chatted with me a bit. He wanted me to be assured that he was legally allowed to visit and he wanted to talk about his grandfather. Although the occasion of his visit was very sad and we talked about that for the most part, I was impressed with what he has morphed into. I could see the man that the boy has a good chance of becoming. He exuded a promise that was not there before. He carried an air that was missing from his presence the last time we talked. Yesterday He talked, He felt, and He actually smiled. Yesterday MY heart soared for the boy that many thought was lost.
My son took my granddaughter swimsuit shopping. She came home bubbling with excitement and ran to her bedroom. She wanted to model her purchase for me. Where have the years gone? That was not my little granddaughter that came out of the bedroom. It was a lovely young woman in a sexy ‘tankini‘. When I asked my son if he felt like I did when he saw her in that suit he said, “When I hug her I feel a woman in my arms. It makes me want to cry.”
My grandson has grown four inches this year. All of a sudden he is 6‘2“. He and I went out together this past week. He wandered into a crowd of people and I knew exactly where he was the whole time because he was taller then everyone around him. One of his favorite things to do when he was young was to sit on my lap while someone pushed the wheelchair. I kinda think those days are over.
I finally got myself motivated. I researched and found the new wheelchair that I want. It’s called a “Quickie”. I called my friend Scott and said, “Come and get me I want a “Quickie”. He answered, “I’m willing, but wouldn't John mind?“ Men! Their brains are attached to their genitals.
I’m making meatloaf for dinner. If John knows what’s good for him he’ll eat it and smile. Every other night I have to give him an injection of Beta-Seron to counter the MS. He is incapable of giving himself the shot so he has given me the dubious honor. I’m OK with that. I generally give it to him in his arm. But if he messes with the ‘meatloaf mood’ tonight he will receive a shocking surprise when he bends over to pick up his cane.
It is time consuming to get my wheelchair out of the car. So many times when we have to make a quick run to the store I just send John in with strict instructions. The instructions were, “Everyone would like STEAK for dinner. BUY STEAK.” I don’t like meat. I’m not a vegetarian. I just prefer vegetables and fish. When we got home and I opened his purchase I found two packages of “Beef Loin Flap Meat Steak (Ranchera) AP2”. I admit that I don’t know much about beef, but ’Flap Steak’? John is now trying to convince me that it is a delicacy that is routinely served on the East Coast. He says it is a flap that folds on the left side of the pancreas. I think he spends way too much time flapping his lips and not enough time reading labels.
Thank you for the past year!!!
"muleytoo" if you read this would you please send me your e-mail address. You left a lovely message on my journal. I wrote you a letter, but was unable to send it. It appears that we have much in common. I would like to get acquainted.