Friday, September 17, 2010

I Have So Missed This

I really miss writing my blog. I watch things swirl around me in my small confined world and think, "I would love to write about that", and then I sit for 30 minutes and compose master pieces in my head. One of the reasons I gave up the blog was because since I had the brain bleed and accompanying brain surgery my words don't always freely flow like they once did. Many times I have to set a thought aside and wait a bit for the desired word to suddenly pop up unbidden. If I search hard for that perfect word it will evade me for hours at a time, but if I act as if I really don't care any more and set my mind to thinking of other words and equally brilliant things the word will, of it's own accord, come popping into the middle of my "barely muddled barbiturate (pain pill) laced thoughts". I do that a bit when I am trying to relate something to my son David. I'll all of a sudden say, "There, there it is. That's the word I wanted to use when I used that other word I didn't want to use." David finds little humor in this. He has gotten a bit serious as he has aged, so as a general rule, by the time the word has shown itself he has thrown his arms in the air and walked away. I generally spend some part of each day repeating the mantra, "David, I've got the word. David, where'd you go? I know what the word is now." The grandkids? The kids handle my word flow problem differently ..... they just avoid talking to me as much as possible.

Of course, the above paragraph is tongue in cheek, but I do have a bit of a problem with some of my favorite words getting lost in the mish-mash I call my 'after surgery' brain. My doctor says part of that is that catchall thing called aging. That makes me feel a bit better (it means I don't have brain word damage). I had such a nice large variable vocabulary. I find it a bit disconcerting to have to struggle to find that perfect word for what I am trying to express. The only time I feel totally relaxed with my word flow during discussions is when I talk to my friend Scott. He turned 70 last August. He only has a fifth grade education so his vocabulary is limited, notwithstanding the passel of words that he makes up, convinced that they are alive and residing, safe and warm, in a dictionary in some library. He also does things like adding 'k's' where there should be 't's' (Example: K-Mart said by Scott becomes K-Mark). When I visit with him I can lose all kinds of words and he doesn't know the difference. I can even throw in a few 'k's' and 't's' and he thinks I am the most word proficient woman he has ever met. It makes for my only totally stress free conversations. Unless you count the hours I talk to my dog.

This has been like coming home. It has been so much fun. I guess I should make an announcement "Hey Guys, I'm Back! Did you miss me. I sure as hell missed you!"

15 comments:

  1. YAY!! Can't wait to read your next entry.

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  2. Yes ,we missed you too...I had just started reading when the brain bleed happened. Glad to see you back. Sheila

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  3. You darned right we missed you. So glad to see you here again.

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  4. Of course we missed you! You are quite the sight for sore eyes. Even if all the words that come to your brain are, "Hi there...I'm back!" Don't wait another nineteen months to post again... ;)

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  5. Welcome back, it's sure great to see you posting again after all this time. Don't hold back now!

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  6. Glad to see you back Penny. I myself don't post very often anymore. Your posting are always interesting. Helen

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  7. What a treat! Please don't worry if you can't find the right words to suit you; your words will suit us just FINE!

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  8. My husband and I help each other find those 'lost words' and beween us we make one whole person. hahahaha!
    It is lovely to see you back again Penny! Just lovely!
    I hope it doesn't take as long for your next entry. Even if it is only a few lines.
    Hark at me who is so busy reading everyone else's journals I never get round to entering my own! lol
    I too must jot down a few lines to let everyone know I am still around.
    Well done you for giving all of us a big smile on seeing your post.
    Jeanie xxxxx

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  9. so glad to see you back/ penny. i hope to do better now after 5weeks at mayo's. barb

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  10. Yay! I came ove to blog world in search of something and I found my friend!! So good to read your words again..it is liek i have been lost and found my way home again!
    love you.

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  11. You sound pretty good to me. Welcome back and Happy New Year. Say hello to John for me.
    Dawn

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  12. Have been wondering and worry about you my friend. love you always, carlene

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  13. HI! Welcome back home indeed!

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  14. I am so sorry to hear about Pennie. May God bless all her family. May she have peace.

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  15. Sandra, you left us in 2013, but your spirit lives on. Not just through the pages of this blog, but also in our hearts. Rest in peace, your suffering is past.

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